When we found out we're having baby #3, something changed for me. My online presence went into hiding, projects went on hold and I focused on my family and my career.
I prefer to publish to an audience not because I'm enamored with every word I write. Rather, I do it because I am an Emily Dickenson - so to speak. I can never be finished with a piece. My stories "are my children" and I could "raise" or edit them into perpetuity.
Hitting the "publish" button releases my words and once people start to read and comment and respond, my brain can concentrate on the next post.
Once a piece is "out there" I can move forward.
I'd leave the half-formed thoughts and partially-baked ideologies in my head, or be content to spill them with friends over a glass of wine here and there, if it wasn't so gratifying to sort things out by writing them.
Whether to write or not was an impossible balance to maintain throughout this last pregnancy because the buildup to baby number three was a wee bit stressful. We need to renovate the house. We need more space. I can only optimize the current square footage to accommodate so much. We are a family of five now (this seems stranger every time I say it) and we are officially maxed out on bedrooms and storage space.
Plus, I had no idea how life would work with three kids.
After three weeks, I still don't.
So I focused on work and family fun time with writing and other cathartic projects falling to the wayside. Looking back, I suspect I was hoping to wake up from this deliberately scheduled anonymity to a newly renovated home, three well-adjusted kids and a daily system for working my day job, enjoying family time and making room for my beloved extra-curriculars.
It sounds fairly simple. However, my to-do list is the same as it was in October with the exception of all that is related to William, the fifth (human) member on our team roster.
The truth is, life is messy and disorganized and crazy and fun. It just keeps moving. And, like any rewarding game of whack-a-mole, I will keep swinging (and typing) away with as much energy, laughter and love as I've ever had.
Maybe even more now.
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