Cry It Out

So, I finally got some sleep.

I'm sitting at Boston Logan, enjoying a beer and internet access, missing my family and ... I am not sleep deprived. It's strange. No Leighton. No 3 AM feeding. Yes. Still. At 6 and a half months. I miss home terribly, but I had a great time in bean town. I worked. I toured. I slept! I barely even remember getting up once to pump.

Prior to my Boston trip, we attended a wedding and my fifteen year, high-school reunion.  I must have told everyone I met that I was exhausted, because somehow, the conversation always turned to my sleep deprivation and the fact that Leighton is not yet sleeping through the night.

On the subject of baby sleeping habits I discovered that there were two distinct factions of parents. One group owned the oh-so-annoying story of "she's been sleeping through the night since eight weeks."  The other group was the "cry it out" contingent.

If I had a nickel for every person who told me to gear up for two nights of hysteria followed by blissful slumber, I'd have at least five bucks. Still, I can't imagine that Dr. Ferber thinks that leaving a child in her crib to sob until vomiting is a great idea.

On my business trip, a colleague and mother told me to apply the Ferber method gently and gradually. This seems like a far more time-consuming but equally more pleasant option.

I know I'm being played like a fiddle when I trot into Leighton's room at 2 AM to replace the nukka that's fallen out of her sweet little mouth. But, I choose to believe that she enjoys the pleasure of my company; Her manipulative intentions are more good than evil. If she realized that in the course of an evening I am jerked awake by her cries more often than I would be if riding the Eurail through the Pyrenees, through the night, unable to recline, in a smoking car, with the lights on, she would certainly stop. Right?

So, I'm interested. How many of you out there just let 'em cry it out? And, how much torture did you withstand before you began to crumble? Please post to comments and share your fuss with us!

Comments

[Jen Freeman]

Lei is nearly 11 mos now. She goes to bed around 7pm and still wakes between 2 and 4 am every night. Sleep training has been tough because she's had ear infections we can't seem to shake. I'm just not going to let a sickie cry in her crib. So, we have a buddy from 3am-ish until seven or so.

I'm sure this will be less fun when she's six years-old, but we are in a tough spot because it's a hot mess when we try to put her back to sleep in her crib once she's up. She'll look asleep and then we put her down and WHAAAA! In our bed ... right to sleep.

9-12 months isn't the best window for sleep training so we're going to try again when she turns 1.

[Rebecca M.]

It's normal for breastfed babies to nurse at night until about 9 months. I can't imagine forcing a 4 month old to go all night without a feed if s/he is waking for it. I used Weissbluth's book as a guideline for amt/timing if sleep but within the framework of attachment parenting principles. Co-sleeping did not work for us after 6 months -- my son woke every hour -- so we moved him to the crib in his room adjacent to ours. However, we did not do extended crying at any point and did not allow any crying until after 6 months. It's cruel.

[Jen - The Daily Fuss]

I too have mastered the nursing on my side while asleep. For some reason I feel like it's so great and I don't mind it at all.But, I am dying for a full night's sleep.

I had an idea that this "daddy-checking" may work, and now I have evidence to support my hypothesis. Once again, thanks Martha!

[Martha Hong]

As a working mom AND a nursing mom, my babies just HAD to feed if they smelled me in the middle of the night...and then I was up for the night a walking zombie the next day at work.

My husband and I worked it out that HE would get up and check on the babe. If it was a true hunger issue, he would bring the babe to me to feed and the child then usually spent the rest of the night in our bed. (I perfected the laying down nursing in my sleep technique!!)

Otherwise, my husband would check the diaper, tuck the blanket and apply soothing words but would NOT take the babe outta bed if at all possible.

This helped us all keep our sanity and ensured that we usually got several solid hours of sleep most nights. We used the 'put to bed and go back and check on the crying child' technique when they were younger but also found the Love and Logic Parenting techniques for bedtime issues very effective when they were older. Yes....bedtime issues change, shape shift and sometimes reappear years later. :(

Good luck and happy parenting!!

[Carrie]

We tried the cry it our method, after about 5 days, success! We would go into Ketcher's room and "pat and shush" him every few minutes but we did not pick him up. Trust me it was HARD but we went from waking up 2-3 times to sleeping through the night. So worth it. BTW, he's 5 months and we did this about a month ago.

[Jen - The Daily Fuss]

We love the book and Lei is actually a client/patient at Weissbluth's practice. She sleeps like a champ too and is always happy and well-rested. It's just that lately, she wants us more than sleep when she does wake. I'm being manipulated in a semi-sweet way and it needs to stop. So, I guess I know what I need to do. I just don't have the guts to do it yet. We let her cry for three and four minutes when she woke up tonight and we have the feeling it won't be long before she realizes that it's not worth it to get so worked up. Wish us luck!

[Liza B Rumery]

Per recommendation of a friend with children I read (the only baby book I'm really reading besides Super Baby Food) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth, MD. It helped guide us throughout these almost eight months of our baby's life and it has been a superb guide. Cry-it-out didn't really work for us, but what did was consistency and a schedule, recognizing baby's need to sleep as well as time. She sleeps like a champ. When she does fuss now it's only because she knows that she loves to play with us. Knowing this, it's easier to close the door when she's trying to NOT sleep. Make sense?

Sleep deprivation still because I am breastfeeding, but the book and your gut feeling/knowing your baby will help. Good luck!

[Kat]

I did not have the heart to cry it out. Instead we chose to cosleep. So my son is now 3 years old and still sleeping in our bed. I am not worried or annoyed by this; my sister and I co-slept with our parents until we were in elementary school and it's not uncommon at all in our culture.

My son did not sleep through the night consistently until he was past 2 years old.

However, when my son was 2 years old, we decided to night-wean him and that was painful. I slept on the couch while my brave husband comforted him. After a week, I crawled back in the bed with them and he cried less and only tried to nurse at night occasionally.

I think you have to do what you have to do and do what you are most comfortable with. Some mothers are comfortable with the cry-it-out method and I don't necessarily knock it; I could not handle it myself and I endured the consequences with only a little bit of complaint.

[Ben]

My wife and I are more of the 'attachment-parenting' types but we certainly did try the cry-it-out method out of desperation. Our baby did not sleep through the night at all haha.

But we just blended the cry-it-out method to what we were comfortable with in terms the intensity of the cries we would hear. It worked to a certain extent but I guess what matters also is what you do in the 'wake' hours to make your child feel secure still.

Whatever works for both parent and child is usually what we go by.